Remarkable, as usual Kai. Thank you . Now I am working on the Max blog.
A low, boggy kinda day for me today..guess I am entitled to a few. I feel I echo each rise and fall of Caleb. He has a good day - I have a good day. He has a bad day - I have a bad day. The boys had a favorite saying when they were young.. "When moms happy - we're happy" ..now that chant has become - when Caleb is happy......
Today, when he is vomiting, I am sick to my stomach, when he is slow and confused , I am an uneasy slug. This is a minute to minute kind of experience... just like on the 4th of July - one minute Caleb is by my side telling me all about the parade - he is vibrant -- and the next minute, following a phone call, Kai is driving sixty down Long Pond Rd. and our lives have changed forever.
Knowing what you now know about us - we will get through this and we will do what is necessary to get Caleb home and back to complete health. And you know my family is just stellar and we will hold each other up.. It's just that sometimes the magnitude of what has happened slips into my being and I want to cry out to the night and I want the sun to make it all go away.
Some days are low and forgive me for this is a low one for me. Caleb is still improving, but there are days when I can no longer muster up the energy to be happy that he said one word out loud, or that he took 3 more steps than yesterday. This is the kid who took twenty steps on his first attempt at walking.
It has been a long day and the evening is always more difficult- the dark settles in and shows no signs of leaving, and I must just remember that darkness is not proof of the absence of light.