Sitting on a floating dock at the Pargo Rojo in Bocus del Toro, Panama , surrounded by balmy waters and loitered laughter with my Frozen Daquiri in hand -my companions were two handsome young surfers in their 20's who found me amusing. The owner was an Israli who had had his tongue cut out ( I never asked) and a piece of his thigh sewn back in so that he could amuse us in return - which he did. He was peevish, but took a liking to us so dinner was otherworldly... I can remeber thinking this was as good as it gets - an ahhhh moment in time . ...an ahhhhhh moment in time.
There are always two sides to a stick and now I am in a Ohhhh moment in time...but are they not one in the same?
The ahhhh moments are to be savored and enjoyed for what they are..just like the company and dinner. A space in time to cherish, a space in time to replenish.....
But it is in the ohhhh moments that I find I learn the most . I am trying to learn to cherish these moments too. I am a seeker as I know all of us are.....we love; we are dissapointed, we laugh; but feel empty inside,
We are proud, but we feel we don't deserve....we are fearful and whistle into the dark to soothe ourselves.
Yet all of my questioning dissipates when I realize that Caleb was only 6 months ago, a thinking, functuning human being who was the life of the party -and the heartbeat at our dinner table. When I expected company I called Caleb in hopes that he would be free- he made impressions by making people laugh- he made impressions by being himself- an authentically humble human who always saw the light in others.
The ohhhhhh moments- I am not asking for more of them--Caleb is healing in his own time and in his own way and we are grateful,,,,,,,- but I am asking that I can see through them to the other side ..I am asking that I can cherish these moments too; knowing and trusting that we as a family will move through this to a better time and a better place and that we will feel replenished in the aftermath. No matter where we land- we cherish!