I have always known that I would die of heartache from about the time I was 20. When the doctors insist that I get checked for Breast lumps, I am certain that I will never experience that ...When I am asked politely for the third time to have a colonoscopy..I am incredulous..I know that I will need that never -but when I examine my marriage and realize how much I loved ...and was not loved back, I see that it is my heart that is in jeapordy........always was.
I believe it began with my father -the understanding that he understood me......and then I painfully realized that he did not.....or perhaps it was my the moment I recognized that my mother was more like me than I would ever want to believe that broke my heart....but I could not confess to her at that time, because she was long gone... I think we all know how it is that we will go..we know it with certainty......my heart will have one last sigh...and then it will give up on me, in spite of my wanting to linger...and it will join the unknown. I try not to worry all the way home.
Caleb continues to inspire.. he is so simplistic in his approach...... he continues to love as a poet, as a lover, or as a man who has lost everything and has to search for a new way....he follows his path...and I, like a little dog who is learning how to belong...I faithfully follow ....and learn as I go .